Grieving

Grief is inevitable. The thing is, you don’t grieve the loss a loved one for a week or two and then you’re done. You may think you are, but that’s not how it works. For me anyway. See, my mom passed away in May 2017 and then my dad in May 2018. I have days that I go on with my daily life even though I miss them.

A few days ago I started feeling more sad or emotional about my mom and dad not being here. They’ve missed so much. They eagerly awaited the day my daughter would have children. My mom never experienced this with us and my dad made it through most of the pregnancy time of my daughter’s first born. They loved the grands and great grands dearly.

So, I could feel the intensity rising of my sadness. A few days into this, out of the blue, as I call it, I was consumed with grief. I couldn’t not. So, I shed a couple years but mostly had deep thoughts and a burden of wanting them with me. Now, I know this is not possible and truly would not want them to come back to suffer by no means. But, I miss them so much sometimes that it hurts very deep. My heart aches.

People say it gets easier as time goes by, that time heals. I don’t necessarily believe this. I think there is a grief for loss so deep that is always a part of you after losing someone you loved with such magnitude. It’s not that it’s easier for me, it’s that I’ve learned and am still learning to navigate through life without two people I always knew to be here.

We all know death comes, but you can only prepare to a certain level. After that, you let the Lord take you through. It’s definitely not easy, He never said it would be. Some days don’t feel doable. But, as hard as it might be, they are doable. Breathe.

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